I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
