Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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