glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
