I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
