I think my fart just growled at me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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