Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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