Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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