so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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