I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
