How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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