dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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