when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize