Are we in a gay sports bar?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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