TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He felt like a one man threesome
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
