I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
