apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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