Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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