ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
