His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
