If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
