THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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