Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
