How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
