Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
