How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
