Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Buhtt sex?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
