At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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