My first STD was from a foam party
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
