cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
third nipple confirmed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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