He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
