She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
