also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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