My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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