There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
