He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
