i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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