there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
