All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
