Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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