His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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