oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
