Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
