Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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