Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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