from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You were trust falling into bushes
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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