Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
