bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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