it was like having sex with a tree stump
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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