Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
