Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
